If you look at the magazine rack, you will see that almost
every woman’s magazine has an article about weight loss.It’s an issue that keeps the profits rolling
in if anyone even mentions that they have a solution.Well, I’ve purchased my fair share of
magazines and perused through articles hoping to find the magic answer, but I’ve
found that aside from hiring the next plastic surgeon, I’m going to have to
work hard, be disciplined, and suck it up (not in) if I want to fit into my
jeans.I try to bring perspective into
my weight loss efforts on a regular basis otherwise that’s all I can think
about and I don’t want to rob my life of enjoyment.Though it does take effort, this journey can’t
BE my life, it just has to be part of my life.It’s funny how we look at pictures of ourselves and think we are sooooo
fat.And then, a few years later we’ll
get that same picture out after we’ve gained a few pounds and think “boy I look
pretty good in that picture!”`So, I’ve
learned that we don’t always look as bad as we think we do.I’m also as healthy as a lark and so I don’t
want to miss out on what life has for me if I’m constantly obsessing over my
weight.I have learned that I need to be
thankful for what I have and what I’m able to accomplish.
Needless to say, my weight loss journey has been a success
and so I hope that if you’re struggling in that area, that I can inspire you
that you can do it!It has taken me
almost one year to lose 10 pounds.Sounds easy right?If you do the
math, you’re suppose to burn roughly 3,000 calories for every pound you want to
lose so I only need to burn 30,000 calories.That equals 75 spin classes.But,
the scale hasn’t quite cooperated the way I think it should unless I jump off
of it when it hits the number I want.But, the crazy thing is that last night I put on the same dress I wore a
little over a year ago when I was the same weight that I am now.Oddly, that dress didn’t fit…in a good
way!It was too big!So, the scale can be a bit deceptive.In any event, here’s a summary of where I’ve
been and where I’m going…..
Before I was pregnant with Micah almost three years ago, I
consistently weighed about 150 pounds (and I always fluctuate within 5 pounds….for
example 150-155).I didn’t weigh that
much until we moved out to West Omaha and had every restaurant imaginable
available to us.We ate a ton!Literally….
So, then I get the surprise of my life of being pregnant,
and I balloon to a whopping 200 pounds.If I took my jewelry and shoes off, I don’t think I quite made it to 200
but I was close thanks to Cheesecake Factory and Dairy Queen.That was a miserable weight because I couldn’t
even walk to the back of Walmart to get milk.But, I knew this was probably going to be my last pregnancy and I wanted
to seize every moment to eat for two people while I could.
Thankfully, after delivering Micah my thyroid became my
friend as it went into overdrive, but also through some portion control and
exercise, I dropped quickly into a normal weight well under the 150 I was
carrying before.
Then in January of 2010 I started the C25K running program
and in March started going to the gym regularly.At that point in life, I might have been
weighing 140 pounds, but I felt as strong as an ox.I had much more energy and endurance, I felt
good, and I enjoyed that I could wear shorts and cute dresses.I felt more emotionally balanced and as my
earlier blogs pointed out, some things in my life started to come into
perspective.
But, I wanted to hit my goal weight of 135 so right before
my 40th birthday, I was motivated like a champ to get there.And, I did!But, I’m still fluctuating at those 5 pounds (135-140) and I want to get
down to 130 so I can fluctuate in between 130-135.So, 5 pounds to go….
If you want to know the secret, there’s really not much to
it.Here’s a few things I do that might
help you get started…
·Be honest about where you are at and be
realistic about your goals
·Remember you are not alone – there’s plenty of
support out there from people who’ve been there before or are on the journey
right alongside of you
·Put health as your number one priority over the
number on the scale
·Exercise…I exercise a lot but I find the things
I enjoy doing so that it doesn’t feel like work.I actually WANT to exercise.I take spin class which is my first and
favorite activity and I’m hoping to do Ragbrai this summer or next.But, it’s just important to get up and move
on a regular basis instead of sitting all of the time (at my job, I try to get
up at least every 30 minutes and stand while working on stuff).In order to keep going, I’ve schedule things
like the Warrior Dash to keep me motivated to not quit – this is a lifestyle
not a phase.
·If you have an event to go to, say a cruise for
instance, enjoy it and don’t beat yourself up.We just went on our first cruise, and I wasn’t going to feel depressed
about what I ate.I knew I was going to
eat and I knew I was going to come home and NOT continue to eat like that.Give yourself a break once in a while and
enjoy life.
·Don’t give up if you have a setback and go back
to the old ways.Just pick yourself up,
dust yourself off, and move on.
·Eat….and enjoy it.I eat what I want but I usually only take a
few bites of what I want and then I feel satisfied (unless it’s Sunday which is
my free for all day…bring on the cupcakes!).With that being said, here’s some of our eating habits:
1.We hardly ever eat out.This not only saves the calories but also the
moola.
2.We buy food that is free of hormones and
antibiotics and try to buy organic when we can.We make sure our meat has been treated with dignity and that it had a
happy life (preferably grass fed and cage free).It just makes me feel better….
3.For some sweets, I like to eat Lavish Dark
Chocolate Oatmeal with a spoonful of peanut butter for breakfast.For snacks, I eat a few chocolate animal
crackers or ritz crackers dippled in peanut butter and sprinkled with a few chocolate
chips.I eat a lot of nuts, fruits and I’m
still working on increasing more veggies.
4.I don’t eat late at night, and I eat when I’m
hungry.
So, cheer me on as I try to hit my goal weight and I’m here
to cheer you on if you need a boost to get started to or to keep going.While I was running one day, I thought about
starting an online prayer group or some support group if you just wanted some
encouragement in this area.I don’t know
what that looks like in reality, but I am your biggest cheerleader – you can do
it!In the words of Stuart Smalley, “you
are good enough, you are smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!”
If you think back about your life, you’ll remember some days
better than others.There will be those
days that have come and gone without even a mere thought because of the mundane
routine of thing, there will be faint recollections of events from other days
because something significant happened, and then there will be the days that
you remember every single detail because that was the day that changed you
forever.I have had several life
altering days, most of them have been good….the day I got married, the births
of my children….but there was one day in particular that has made the most
impact for the rest of my future.I
literally think of it EVERY day and have since it happened in March 2004.It was the day that I almost lost my son,
Zach.I realize that to most of you who
read this, this is really, really old news.But, this isn’t about shedding light on some new insight.I’m just merely writing this mainly for
myself .I was reading the blog the
other day from the mom who gave her perspective about “Don’t Carpe Dieme”(yes most of you moms have probably read it…).And while I’m not blogging here to dispute
the validity of her claim that not every moment of parenting is enjoyable, I
will say that you can’t tell a mom who’s almost lost her precious son to not embrace
every minute of his life, even if those moments are inconvenient for me or have
made me reach my boiling point.That’s
not to say that parenting is easy or that Zach hasn’t gotten in his fair share
of trouble.I get a call from his school
EVERY year in October telling me that Zach would rather entertain his class
than embrace his academic excellence.If
you know Zach, you’ll agree he is THE messiest person you’ve ever met.Because there were so many grandkids on my
mom’s side of the family, I didn’t get much after their passing but I did get
an antique milk glass lamp that I displayed proudly in my foyer.You guessed it – Zach broke it!My niece, Sarah, made a sculpture with her
very best friend that they were going to display in their apartments one
day.Zach managed to break that too and
we hardly ever went to their house!There have been consequences for Zach’s actions.But, no matter what we go through in life, I’ll
take the bad with the good because it could have been worse…there could have
been no more good times to be had if he had died that day.
The rest of this blog is rather lengthy because it’s my
version of what happened that day because it changed everything about how I
view those around me, how I don’t take anything for granted, and about the most
amazing miracle I have ever witnessed. There’s a scripture that admonishes us to
declare the wonderful works that the Lord has done and I don’t want to forget
and I want others to hold onto hope that no matter what you’re going through,
there is a real God who cares about everything we go through good and bad!). So, if you don’t want to read the rest of this
blog, I totally understand because it’s mostly for me and it’s for my son.So, I leave you with this…
Our life really is fleeting…here today and possibly gone
tomorrow.And, that goes for those that
you love too.There are no guarantees
that you’ll have that next opportunity to express your love to those around
you. The time here is so short that if it’s
all taken up with hate and anger, then it’s a wasted life.There’s only enough time to love.If you died today, what would you want the
world to know about you?If someone you loved died today, what would
you have regretted – would it be something you said to them (or didn’t say?),
would it be time you didn’t spend with them, would it be time you spent being
angry and meditating on all of the petty things that didn’t go your way?
The things I learned that day have changed me forever.I would be amiss if I didn’t share them.There’s no reason to have to go through a
tragedy to learn to carpe diem even if a well known and highly circulated blog
tells you that you don’t have to.Here
are a few things I learned that will change you if you let it.
1.Be
thankful – for everything!You will
always find at least one thing to be thankful for and then express that
thanks!Once you find that ONE thing,
there will be more to come….
2.There is a real God who does hear our prayers
and is moved at the sound of our voices.He cares about us and He has not left us alone to go through this life
miserable until we reach the sweet by and by.
3.There are people in your life that care about
you and there are people in your life to care for.Weakness isn’t necessarily failure.There are times that we need to rely on the strength
of others to get us through our own victories.And, there will be times when you need to step up to the plate and see a
need and fill it.You may be the answer
to someone’s prayers
4.Really, really enjoy those around you especially
your family!Don’t be so serious all of
the time and don’t think that everything is a crisis.Laugh with each other and be happy!The goal of your family isn’t to be perfect….it’s
to have a place where love can bloom.
5.Determine to be the type of person that others
want to be around.Do you bring life to
others or do you bring others down?If
you think your purpose in life is to complain so that others do something about
it to make your life more comfortable, then you haven’t truly embraced what
love really means.
6.You have a purpose and a destiny to be
fulfilled.I don’t necessarily condone
the “live as this is your last day” because then it would be easy to make
stupid decisions like to get into debt and stuff like that.But, I do live as if each day has a purpose
and a reason and if it happens to be my last, would I have fulfilled my destiny
and purpose
7.LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.Even when it hurts.LOVE…..God’s love for us sent his only son to the cross so that we could love.When I think about my son, I realize the
great price that was paid.
From the moment Zach was born, I knew there was something
special about that little guy.I
distinctly remember sitting on my couch holding him up over my shoulder the
first day I brought him home and crying because I felt like Zach was going to accomplish
something so big.Just a week after
being born, he was diagnosed with meningitis and had to be hospitalized.There’s nothing worse than to watch your
lifeless baby who couldn’t even cry when they were doing the spinal tap because
he was so weak and sick.I wasn’t very
strong during that…I could only sit and cry.But, he bounced back pretty quickly and brought so much energy to our
house.He was very active and one of Jim’s
friends told him once that he didn’t want to have a kid like Zach because he
was so hyper.Of course, this was a
single guy with no experience with children. Though Ritalin crossed my mind
SEVERAL times during his childhood, I knew God created this boy with enthusiasm
for living and I didn’t care what anyone said – he was my son and I appreciated
that our life wasn’t dull and boring because he brought so much zeal to it.Again, that’s not to say that our house was
void of discipline or flared tempers.
So we were pretty much cruising through life until March 23,
2004.Britt was 10 and Zach was 8.I was driving home from picking up the kids
from school and it was about 3:30 pm.I
had to turn right around to go back to the school in about another hour to go
for conferences. We were headed up the
usual street that went to our house on Park Ave. in Council Bluffs.We were driving a Ford Windstar van that we
had just purchased from a sweet deal off of Ebay.It had all the bells and whistles.Zach was in the seat directly behind me and
Brittany was in the seat behind the passenger side.She had her seat belt on…Zach did not which I
didn’t know at the time.As we were
going through that fateful intersection, we were having our usual after school
conversation – “how was your day, what happened,” etc.The direction I was going did not have a stop
sign so I proceeded through that intersection and caught a glimpse out of my
left eye that there was a car going unusually fast and coming right at us.I didn’t even have time to warn the kids and
it would have been my normal reflex to step on the break, but I didn’t.MIRACLE #1.(If I had put on the break, we wouldn’t have been as far up and the
impact to our van would more than likely have killed either me or Zach.).We were instantly hit on the third row seat
driver’s side.I think the other driver
was going 55 in a 25 mph speed zone.Immediately upon impact, Brittany started screaming all the way until
our car slammed into a brick wall up past a sidewalk.MIRACLE #2 (If anyone had been on the sidewalk, they probably
would have been killed). We finally came to a stop and I looked back to see if
the kids were ok.Brittany was in shock
but I knew she was ok.Zach, on the
other hand, was wedged in between his seat and the door lying on the floor
motionless.I was instantly in a panic
and got out of the car to try to flag someone down.Crazy thoughts go through your head when you’re
under pressure.I couldn’t see the other
driver because he had flown down the other street out of sight from where we
landed so I thought he had fled the scene.We had been involved in a minor accident a few months prior and there
were no witnesses.So, I was thinking “I
hope someone saw something and I need to be sure they stay at the scene to help
us.”I flagged down the first car I saw
but I could barely walk because I was a bit hurt, scared for Zach, dazed and
confused.All I could say was “my son,
did you see that, my son is hurt, I think the other driver left….”The driver of that car got out but he just
happened to be in a police uniform.I
thought that was great that the witness to my accident had been an actual law
enforcement official so surely he would attest that it was not my fault.Later, I found out that that same police
officer had been “chasing” the driver who hit us.The police couldn’t admit that he was chasing
him because of liability and technicalities, but it turned out that he had
stopped that driver over under suspicion that he was driving with a mobile meth
lab (there’s more to the story, but this is the basics).When they were pulled over and the officer
got out of his car, the driver sped off but ultimately we stopped him.Who knew at the time that we would be crime
fighters on that day?
So anyways, the officer came to our van and more police
officers started coming to the scene.Zach started to come to and I kept asking him what his name was.At first he couldn’t answer me at, then he
finally could utter some words but his speech was slurred which really scared
me.They got us ready to put in an
ambulance and I knew I had to call Jim to let him know where we were goingI barely said anything to him other than we
had been hit and were going to the hospital in an ambulance.I’m sure I sent him into a panic with so
little information but I didn’t have my wits about me.Then, I knew I needed to call the school to
let them know I wouldn’t make it for conferences.The crazy things we do…..
So, we loaded up in the ambulance.Brittany wasn’t hurt, but they let her ride
with us anyways.We ended up at the
hospital where Jim and several friends and family came as well.They sent me right into xrays because they
thought I might have crushed my ribs. Thankfully, I was just bruised.Zach was talking fine by then so they just
examined him but did no special tests.After everything apparently checked out, they discharged us and sent us
home.
My parents came home to spend some time with us and so my
dad and Jim could go retrieve things from our van.Zach and Britt went to the tv room to
rest.I was pretty sore, so we went to
bed rather early.We awoke out of our
sleep around 8 or 9 pm to Zach throwing up.MIRACLE #3 (If he had stayed
asleep, he would surely have died).We thought
he had a concussion as we had been through that before with him.We thought it best to take him back to the
hospital but only Jim went because Britt was asleep and I was still sore.We didn’t think it was any big deal.I kept texting Jim while they were at the
hospital, but I’ll never forget the worst text I ever received in my entire
life.It was more than a
concussion.Zach was dying.
It turned out that Zach had severed an artery in his brain,
fractured his skull, and was bleeding to death.They needed to rush him into emergency surgery.Here I was at home with no car since our’s
was totaled.Brittany came out of her room
to hear me crying and very upset and then she became very upset as well.It had been such a hard day and I didn’t
realize the toll that this traumatic day had on her.Looking back, she was so strong for such a
little girl.I called our associate
pastor, Dan Stuck, and told him I needed to get to the hospital right
away.He lived about 7 minutes away from
me, but I think he arrived in 2 minutes.He took us to the hospital.Brittany was having a panic attack and I had to meet up with Jim who had
just informed Zach what was going on.When I went into the room, Zach was so brave and strong – not a tear in
his eye – even though you could just tell he was so weak physically. I could
barely keep my composure. I told him I loved him so much and then just like
that, they wheeled him away.It was
about midnight at this time and I couldn’t be there to protect my son.
Thankfully for my sanity, people started pouring into the
hospital….our parents, our pastor (Lonnie and Carolyn who came all the way from
Glenwood in a flash), my sister, friends, and people from our church.The waiting room was pretty full.I later found out that so many people we knew
were calling each other to pray and so here were all these people losing sleep
just to pray for our son.Kandi Spidell,
a friend, came and took Brittany to her house so that she could get some
sleep.I didn’t want Brittany to be away
from me, but I knew that I wasn’t very strong at the time to nurture her so she
was better off getting some rest.Still,
at 2:00 in the morning, people were coming to the hospital to support us.I don’t think I could have made it through
that time without all of them.They were
my MIRACLE #4!
Zach got out of surgery around 4 am.When we got to see him, he was all bandaged
up on his head, he was crying, thirsty, and weak.But, he was alive!They said he did well and that he would
probably be in ICU for 24 hours.But,
then came MIRACLE #5 – he was out of ICU by noon and into a regular room where
he continued to progress and then MIRACLE #6 – we went home the next day!
We had so many people coming to the hospital nonstop….family,
friends, Zach’s friends from school, the media (we were in the newspaper and on
the news).I think the nursing staff was
annoyed with us because it was a flurry of activity and while I appreciated all
of the support, I think they were glad we were going home.The police got wind that Zach ended up back
in the hospital so several officers came up and visited him too and even
visited after we got home.When the
insurance agent arrived at our house to get my account of things, even he was
touched by our story and amazed at the miracle of our son.Zach got his bandages off and staples out a
week later, played sports that following season, and hasn’t had any long term
affects other than a scar on his head that you can clearly see if he keeps his
hair short.
A few months later, Zach had to testify against the guy who
hit us.He didn’t even look at Zach and
never apologized.He got sentenced to 5
years in prison, but only served 18 months.This was his second offense.
No one will ever be able to tell me that miracles don’t
happen.No one will ever be able to tell
me that there is no God. No one will
ever be able to tell me to “don’t carpe diem.”I have sang a song to Zach ever
since he was born – you are my sonshine, my only sonshine, you make me happy
when skies are gray, you’ll never know dear how much I love you, please don’t
take my sonshine away!
When I think about a blog , it really is just a bunch of
words isn’t it?Words are powerful.They can build us up or tear us down.I once heard (and I don’t know if it’s true
but it’s a pretty good analogy so I’m gonna use it) that there are sounds in
outer space that just keep going and going.Those “sounds” just happen to be everything that has been said.The words just keep going on forever and
forever.If that’s true, that’s pretty
scary.Oh how I have wanted to take back
so many things I have said over the course of time.Most regrettably though too, is the fact that
there are things I wish I would have said that I didn’t (in a good way).Anyone who said sticks and stones may break
my bones but words will never hurt me was a BIG FAT LIAR!So since I can’t get my space suit on and go
and retrieve all of those stupid things I’ve said in the past, I hope that I
can do a better job in the future.
Words affect every area of our lives.Even if you’re a monk living somewhere and have
taken a vow of silence, you’re still affected by words.You still think thoughts in your head.Those thoughts also consist of words. And those thoughts can even be more
tormenting.It’s funny how one person
can say something very brief, maybe even in passing, but those words stay with
us enough to make us meditate on them for a VERY long time…even long after that
person has left. Sometimes it’s a few
hours.Sometimes, it’s years.
Well, there’s no more tormenting words that those spoken as
a compliment only to be perceived as an insult.Let me explain…..
So, those of you who know me observed that I was substantial
in size during my last pregnancy.Most
women look like they have a basketball stuffed in their shirt….I had about
three basketballs.I was eating for two and
I looked like I was about 2 or 3 people in size.I couldn’t even walk to the back of Walmart
for milk I was so big.By the end of the
pregnancy, most people were convinced I was going to have my own reality show
since I couldn’t possibly be having 1 child..maybe about 5!Well, there was only 1 kid in there and thankfully,
after having Micah, I lost that extra weight pretty quickly through exercise,
diet, and a very energetic and
cooperative thyroid.
Feeling pretty good about fitting into my pre-pregnancy
clothes and going out into public able to walk again, a lot of people
recognized said achievement and congratulated me on such by saying “you look
great…”Well, if that were the end of
the story, we wouldn’t have a blog here would we?
So, while I appreciated the kudos, it was those next 5 words
that stung every time – “you look great….for
just having a baby.”What does that
even mean?Well, I’m sure that the giver
of that statement meant it in the utmost positive way possible.But, to me, the overthinker in everything,
all I could think of was that if I hadn’t of just had a baby, I would look like
crap.
The nice three words that preceded those awful 5 words was like someone giving me
a pat on the back while putting a sticky note there that says kick me.
Oh I’m sure it wasn’t that bad in comparison to all of the
terrible things that have been spoken by mankind since the beginning of time
that are floating in space for all of the aliens to hear, but to me at the time
was hurtful.And, not because it was
meant to be, but because in my mind at the time, I could never measure up and
even in doing something right, I still failed.
Was that the true reality?Did those who said those words mean to make me feel like that?Certainly not ( or at least I hope not).But, truth be told, words affect us but even
worse yet is our perception of those words.And that perception is clouded by our past experiences, other words that
have been spoken about us, and how we have chosen to let those things shape
what we believe about ourselves. Unfortunately, someone else who may have said
something bad about us is the apple in the bunch that spoils it for every other
apple that comes along in life.We are
so busy wanting to make up for that bad word by expecting all everyone else to
make up for the one that caused so much damage in the first place.And, all along that innocent apple had no
idea what happened in the past – they just wanted to give you a pie!Simply put, we can’t impose our past hurt
onto unsuspecting others and expect them to make it all better in hopes that
they say or do just the right thing.
But, there is hope in
the despair.The Bible tells me that I
was created for a good purpose, destiny and future.Can I get an amen?
So, I needed to
change my perception about myself and look hard into the fact that I had let
some of my own shortcomings and hurtful words cloud my ability to see who I
truly was – I was not someone who was a failure, I was just someone who was
very, very big and then lost a lot of weight.
Not all is lost in this story…..It’s been almost two years
since I had my baby boy and I’ve still kept the weight off.So, if you want, you can just say “you look
great!”Haha….actually, the point of
this blog is two-fold:
1.Do you have some
misguided perceptions about yourself that you need to deal with (ie hurtful
words in the past that have clouded how you think about yourself?)
2.Have you said a
kind word to someone today?If not,
there’s still time….don’t live your life with regret.
Here’s my word for you today…. You are loved!You really, truly are……
