Good, better, BEST!

This guy is one of several reasons I have to be a better person!

Like many women, I am not immune from the constant weight loss issues that plague people like me who prefer to live in the land of milk and honey.  And, while life isn’t all about weight (and I can easily say that when I’m not tipping the scale to a bigger jean size), I am finding that I have discovered so many life lessons in my journey to lose some baggage.

The other day someone came up to me and told me that they noticed I was losing weight.  It was good to hear that, and encouragement is good because it’s easy to get caught up in fixating on the imperfections we have in our lives.  With that being said, however, there are two extremes we can go to:  1.  We can get so caught up in the praise and compliments of others that we make it our goal to do things simply for the kudos and then what happens when the compliments stop coming?  or 2.  We can take the advice of some well meaning people to focus on only the positive things and ignore our flaws.  For purposes of this blog entry, I’m going to focus on the latter of the two because while it would be great to look at my cellulite through rose-colored glasses, it doesn’t make it go away (just ask the people that have to look at me from behind while I’m in my own little lala land focusing on the “positive things.”).  Sometimes we have to take a good hard look at ourselves and see that some of our shortcomings really are hindering us to be better people and that we need to do something about it.  

I have had to do some hard soul searching at various points in my life.  The Bible says that people will know we are Christians by our love.  Not by our great speaking, amazing talent, powerful prayers, pretty faces, our ability to boss people around, how well we follow the rules, and so on and so forth.  We are identified by love.  Let’s face it people…I wasn’t always this loving and kind.  I am a Christian in the very sense that Jesus is my first love and my life flows out of that.  But there are times in the past that my love deficit would have identified me as belonging to the church of the devil. .  In fact, this guy came up to me at church and said that he had met one of my friends from high school that I haven’t seen since high school.  He wanted to know if I wanted to tell her anything.  I said “tell her I am not the same person she knew then!”  All I was back then was some self-centered teenager who just wanted to be loved but knew nothing about love.  Oh sure, Jim and I delivered Meals on Wheels to elderly people and volunteered for many worthy causes.  But, I didn’t know what it meant to have my life fulfilled by being driven by love.  I only thought my worth back then was defined by what I could succeed at.  And when you live like that, you don’t have true relationship with people because if they don’t make you feel good about yourself, then they don’t last.  

I’m all about self-esteem boosting, but I think we’ve gone too far in this day and age where we are told that we have to make everyone (our kids) feel good about themselves at any cost.  They may feel good about themselves, but it doesn’t mean that all that patronizing is good for them.  Cookies and cupcakes make me feel good, but it doesn’t mean it’s good for me. You need people in your life that challenge you.  You need the people that don’t let you simply ignore your flaws but can tell you like it is, make you face it, and get the victory.  Thankfully, I have let those people into my life to cheer me on.  I enjoy an accolade or too, for sure.  But, I also want those people in my life that don’t let me get away with things if it’s not good for my destiny.  Disclaimer:  this is not permission for everyone who reads this to tell me what I’m doing wrong in life.  What I’m saying is that just as much as I want to attain a healthy weight, I want the rest of me (spirit, soul AND body) to be healthy too.  In all these areas, it means that no amount of positive thinking will make the negative go away.  It takes action…it takes discipline….it takes people...it takes honest evaluation…..it takes change...it takes love...did I mention that it takes ACTION!.  

So some of the things I’m working on are being kinder and preferring other people.  This is really hard sometimes.  The world would be a better place if all of the slow drivers followed the rule that the right lane is for them.  Why do they insist on getting in the FAST lane and do 5 miles under the speed limit or two cars in two different lanes driving the SAME, slow speed and you can’t get around either of them??? ?  I have had to bite my tongue several times and while I don’t have to use symbols for what comes out of my mouth, I have uttered the word “idiot” on several occasions.  So, I’m a work in progress trying to be more patient and realizing that not everything in life has to be an issue.  I smile more, I strike up conversations with people I meet in public because I believe every person has a story to tell and needs to be heard, and I don’t take everything so seriously (which might be annoying to some people).  I try to take the same advice that I give to my kids - it’s not always about you!

Here’s my advice …. Let people in your life who love you and if they love you, they are gonna cheer you on BUT they will also challenge and inspire you to DO better and to BE better (please note, I am not talking about being in a relationship that is verbally, physically or emotionally abusive – there is a difference).  AND, You need to know that you have something to offer others that can help them be better too.   

So my question to you is are you living the good life or are you living the BEST life? 

THE WEIGHT IS OVER...RATED

If you look at the magazine rack, you will see that almost every woman’s magazine has an article about weight loss.  It’s an issue that keeps the profits rolling in if anyone even mentions that they have a solution.  Well, I’ve purchased my fair share of magazines and perused through articles hoping to find the magic answer, but I’ve found that aside from hiring the next plastic surgeon, I’m going to have to work hard, be disciplined, and suck it up (not in) if I want to fit into my jeans.  I try to bring perspective into my weight loss efforts on a regular basis otherwise that’s all I can think about and I don’t want to rob my life of enjoyment.  Though it does take effort, this journey can’t BE my life, it just has to be part of my life.  It’s funny how we look at pictures of ourselves and think we are sooooo fat.  And then, a few years later we’ll get that same picture out after we’ve gained a few pounds and think “boy I look pretty good in that picture!”`  So, I’ve learned that we don’t always look as bad as we think we do.  I’m also as healthy as a lark and so I don’t want to miss out on what life has for me if I’m constantly obsessing over my weight.  I have learned that I need to be thankful for what I have and what I’m able to accomplish. 

Needless to say, my weight loss journey has been a success and so I hope that if you’re struggling in that area, that I can inspire you that you can do it!  It has taken me almost one year to lose 10 pounds.  Sounds easy right?  If you do the math, you’re suppose to burn roughly 3,000 calories for every pound you want to lose so I only need to burn 30,000 calories.  That equals 75 spin classes.  But, the scale hasn’t quite cooperated the way I think it should unless I jump off of it when it hits the number I want.  But, the crazy thing is that last night I put on the same dress I wore a little over a year ago when I was the same weight that I am now.  Oddly, that dress didn’t fit…in a good way!  It was too big!  So, the scale can be a bit deceptive.  In any event, here’s a summary of where I’ve been and where I’m going…..

Before I was pregnant with Micah almost three years ago, I consistently weighed about 150 pounds (and I always fluctuate within 5 pounds….for example 150-155).  I didn’t weigh that much until we moved out to West Omaha and had every restaurant imaginable available to us.  We ate a ton!  Literally….

So, then I get the surprise of my life of being pregnant, and I balloon to a whopping 200 pounds.  If I took my jewelry and shoes off, I don’t think I quite made it to 200 but I was close thanks to Cheesecake Factory and Dairy Queen.  That was a miserable weight because I couldn’t even walk to the back of Walmart to get milk.  But, I knew this was probably going to be my last pregnancy and I wanted to seize every moment to eat for two people while I could.

Thankfully, after delivering Micah my thyroid became my friend as it went into overdrive, but also through some portion control and exercise, I dropped quickly into a normal weight well under the 150 I was carrying before. 

Then in January of 2010 I started the C25K running program and in March started going to the gym regularly.  At that point in life, I might have been weighing 140 pounds, but I felt as strong as an ox.  I had much more energy and endurance, I felt good, and I enjoyed that I could wear shorts and cute dresses.  I felt more emotionally balanced and as my earlier blogs pointed out, some things in my life started to come into perspective. 

But, I wanted to hit my goal weight of 135 so right before my 40^th birthday, I was motivated like a champ to get there.  And, I did!  But, I’m still fluctuating at those 5 pounds (135-140) and I want to get down to 130 so I can fluctuate in between 130-135.  So, 5 pounds to go….

If you want to know the secret, there’s really not much to it.  Here’s a few things I do that might help you get started…

·         Be honest about where you are at and be realistic about your goals

·         Remember you are not alone – there’s plenty of support out there from people who’ve been there before or are on the journey right alongside of you

·         Put health as your number one priority over the number on the scale

·         Exercise…I exercise a lot but I find the things I enjoy doing so that it doesn’t feel like work.  I actually WANT to exercise.  I take spin class which is my first and favorite activity and I’m hoping to do Ragbrai this summer or next.  But, it’s just important to get up and move on a regular basis instead of sitting all of the time (at my job, I try to get up at least every 30 minutes and stand while working on stuff).  In order to keep going, I’ve schedule things like the Warrior Dash to keep me motivated to not quit – this is a lifestyle not a phase. 

·         If you have an event to go to, say a cruise for instance, enjoy it and don’t beat yourself up.  We just went on our first cruise, and I wasn’t going to feel depressed about what I ate.  I knew I was going to eat and I knew I was going to come home and NOT continue to eat like that.  Give yourself a break once in a while and enjoy life.

·         Don’t give up if you have a setback and go back to the old ways.  Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on.

·         Eat….and enjoy it.  I eat what I want but I usually only take a few bites of what I want and then I feel satisfied (unless it’s Sunday which is my free for all day…bring on the cupcakes!).  With that being said, here’s some of our eating habits:

1.       We hardly ever eat out.  This not only saves the calories but also the moola.

2.       We buy food that is free of hormones and antibiotics and try to buy organic when we can.  We make sure our meat has been treated with dignity and that it had a happy life (preferably grass fed and cage free).  It just makes me feel better….

3.       For some sweets, I like to eat Lavish Dark Chocolate Oatmeal with a spoonful of peanut butter for breakfast.  For snacks, I eat a few chocolate animal crackers or ritz crackers dippled in peanut butter and sprinkled with a few chocolate chips.  I eat a lot of nuts, fruits and I’m still working on increasing more veggies.

4.       I don’t eat late at night, and I eat when I’m hungry.

So, cheer me on as I try to hit my goal weight and I’m here to cheer you on if you need a boost to get started to or to keep going.  While I was running one day, I thought about starting an online prayer group or some support group if you just wanted some encouragement in this area.  I don’t know what that looks like in reality, but I am your biggest cheerleader – you can do it!  In the words of Stuart Smalley, “you are good enough, you are smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!”

A Tribute to my Sonshine!

If you think back about your life, you’ll remember some days better than others.  There will be those days that have come and gone without even a mere thought because of the mundane routine of thing, there will be faint recollections of events from other days because something significant happened, and then there will be the days that you remember every single detail because that was the day that changed you forever.  I have had several life altering days, most of them have been good….the day I got married, the births of my children….but there was one day in particular that has made the most impact for the rest of my future.  I literally think of it EVERY day and have since it happened in March 2004.  It was the day that I almost lost my son, Zach.  I realize that to most of you who read this, this is really, really old news.  But, this isn’t about shedding light on some new insight.  I’m just merely writing this mainly for myself .  I was reading the blog the other day from the mom who gave her perspective about “Don’t Carpe Dieme”  (yes most of you moms have probably read it…).  And while I’m not blogging here to dispute the validity of her claim that not every moment of parenting is enjoyable, I will say that you can’t tell a mom who’s almost lost her precious son to not embrace every minute of his life, even if those moments are inconvenient for me or have made me reach my boiling point.  That’s not to say that parenting is easy or that Zach hasn’t gotten in his fair share of trouble.  I get a call from his school EVERY year in October telling me that Zach would rather entertain his class than embrace his academic excellence.  If you know Zach, you’ll agree he is THE messiest person you’ve ever met.  Because there were so many grandkids on my mom’s side of the family, I didn’t get much after their passing but I did get an antique milk glass lamp that I displayed proudly in my foyer.  You guessed it – Zach broke it!  My niece, Sarah, made a sculpture with her very best friend that they were going to display in their apartments one day.  Zach managed to break that too and we hardly ever went to their house!  There have been consequences for Zach’s actions.  But, no matter what we go through in life, I’ll take the bad with the good because it could have been worse…there could have been no more good times to be had if he had died that day.   

The rest of this blog is rather lengthy because it’s my version of what happened that day because it changed everything about how I view those around me, how I don’t take anything for granted, and about the most amazing miracle I have ever witnessed.  There’s a scripture that admonishes us to declare the wonderful works that the Lord has done and I don’t want to forget and I want others to hold onto hope that no matter what you’re going through, there is a real God who cares about everything we go through good and bad!).  So, if you don’t want to read the rest of this blog, I totally understand because it’s mostly for me and it’s for my son.  So, I leave you with this…

Our life really is fleeting…here today and possibly gone tomorrow.  And, that goes for those that you love too.  There are no guarantees that you’ll have that next opportunity to express your love to those around you.   The time here is so short that if it’s all taken up with hate and anger, then it’s a wasted life.  There’s only enough time to love.   If you died today, what would you want the world to know about you?  If someone you loved died today, what would you have regretted – would it be something you said to them (or didn’t say?), would it be time you didn’t spend with them, would it be time you spent being angry and meditating on all of the petty things that didn’t go your way? 

The things I learned that day have changed me forever.  I would be amiss if I didn’t share them.  There’s no reason to have to go through a tragedy to learn to carpe diem even if a well known and highly circulated blog tells you that you don’t have to.  Here are a few things I learned that will change you if you let it.

1.        Be thankful – for everything!  You will always find at least one thing to be thankful for and then express that thanks!  Once you find that ONE thing, there will be more to come….

2.       There is a real God who does hear our prayers and is moved at the sound of our voices.  He cares about us and He has not left us alone to go through this life miserable until we reach the sweet by and by. 

3.       There are people in your life that care about you and there are people in your life to care for.  Weakness isn’t necessarily failure.  There are times that we need to rely on the strength of others to get us through our own victories.   And, there will be times when you need to step up to the plate and see a need and fill it.  You may be the answer to someone’s prayers

4.       Really, really enjoy those around you especially your family!  Don’t be so serious all of the time and don’t think that everything is a crisis.  Laugh with each other and be happy!  The goal of your family isn’t to be perfect….it’s to have a place where love can bloom.

5.       Determine to be the type of person that others want to be around.   Do you bring life to others or do you bring others down?  If you think your purpose in life is to complain so that others do something about it to make your life more comfortable, then you haven’t truly embraced what love really means.

6.       You have a purpose and a destiny to be fulfilled.  I don’t necessarily condone the “live as this is your last day” because then it would be easy to make stupid decisions like to get into debt and stuff like that.  But, I do live as if each day has a purpose and a reason and if it happens to be my last, would I have fulfilled my destiny and purpose

7.       LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.  Even when it hurts.  LOVE…..  God’s love for us sent his only son to the cross so that we could love.  When I think about my son, I realize the great price that was paid.

From the moment Zach was born, I knew there was something special about that little guy.  I distinctly remember sitting on my couch holding him up over my shoulder the first day I brought him home and crying because I felt like Zach was going to accomplish something so big.  Just a week after being born, he was diagnosed with meningitis and had to be hospitalized.  There’s nothing worse than to watch your lifeless baby who couldn’t even cry when they were doing the spinal tap because he was so weak and sick.  I wasn’t very strong during that…I could only sit and cry.  But, he bounced back pretty quickly and brought so much energy to our house.  He was very active and one of Jim’s friends told him once that he didn’t want to have a kid like Zach because he was so hyper.  Of course, this was a single guy with no experience with children. Though Ritalin crossed my mind SEVERAL times during his childhood, I knew God created this boy with enthusiasm for living and I didn’t care what anyone said – he was my son and I appreciated that our life wasn’t dull and boring because he brought so much zeal to it.  Again, that’s not to say that our house was void of discipline or flared tempers. 

So we were pretty much cruising through life until March 23, 2004.  Britt was 10 and Zach was 8.  I was driving home from picking up the kids from school and it was about 3:30 pm.  I had to turn right around to go back to the school in about another hour to go for conferences.  We were headed up the usual street that went to our house on Park Ave. in Council Bluffs.  We were driving a Ford Windstar van that we had just purchased from a sweet deal off of Ebay.  It had all the bells and whistles.  Zach was in the seat directly behind me and Brittany was in the seat behind the passenger side.  She had her seat belt on…Zach did not which I didn’t know at the time.  As we were going through that fateful intersection, we were having our usual after school conversation – “how was your day, what happened,” etc.  The direction I was going did not have a stop sign so I proceeded through that intersection and caught a glimpse out of my left eye that there was a car going unusually fast and coming right at us.  I didn’t even have time to warn the kids and it would have been my normal reflex to step on the break, but I didn’t.  MIRACLE #1.  (If I had put on the break, we wouldn’t have been as far up and the impact to our van would more than likely have killed either me or Zach.).  We were instantly hit on the third row seat driver’s side.  I think the other driver was going 55 in a 25 mph speed zone.  Immediately upon impact, Brittany started screaming all the way until our car slammed into a brick wall up past a sidewalk.  MIRACLE #2  (If anyone had been on the sidewalk, they probably would have been killed). We finally came to a stop and I looked back to see if the kids were ok.  Brittany was in shock but I knew she was ok.  Zach, on the other hand, was wedged in between his seat and the door lying on the floor motionless.  I was instantly in a panic and got out of the car to try to flag someone down.  Crazy thoughts go through your head when you’re under pressure.  I couldn’t see the other driver because he had flown down the other street out of sight from where we landed so I thought he had fled the scene.  We had been involved in a minor accident a few months prior and there were no witnesses.  So, I was thinking “I hope someone saw something and I need to be sure they stay at the scene to help us.”  I flagged down the first car I saw but I could barely walk because I was a bit hurt, scared for Zach, dazed and confused.  All I could say was “my son, did you see that, my son is hurt, I think the other driver left….”  The driver of that car got out but he just happened to be in a police uniform.  I thought that was great that the witness to my accident had been an actual law enforcement official so surely he would attest that it was not my fault.  Later, I found out that that same police officer had been “chasing” the driver who hit us.  The police couldn’t admit that he was chasing him because of liability and technicalities, but it turned out that he had stopped that driver over under suspicion that he was driving with a mobile meth lab (there’s more to the story, but this is the basics).  When they were pulled over and the officer got out of his car, the driver sped off but ultimately we stopped him.  Who knew at the time that we would be crime fighters on that day?

So anyways, the officer came to our van and more police officers started coming to the scene.  Zach started to come to and I kept asking him what his name was.  At first he couldn’t answer me at, then he finally could utter some words but his speech was slurred which really scared me.  They got us ready to put in an ambulance and I knew I had to call Jim to let him know where we were going  I barely said anything to him other than we had been hit and were going to the hospital in an ambulance.  I’m sure I sent him into a panic with so little information but I didn’t have my wits about me.  Then, I knew I needed to call the school to let them know I wouldn’t make it for conferences.  The crazy things we do…..

So, we loaded up in the ambulance.  Brittany wasn’t hurt, but they let her ride with us anyways.  We ended up at the hospital where Jim and several friends and family came as well.  They sent me right into xrays because they thought I might have crushed my ribs. Thankfully, I was just bruised.  Zach was talking fine by then so they just examined him but did no special tests.  After everything apparently checked out, they discharged us and sent us home.

My parents came home to spend some time with us and so my dad and Jim could go retrieve things from our van.  Zach and Britt went to the tv room to rest.  I was pretty sore, so we went to bed rather early.  We awoke out of our sleep around 8 or 9 pm to Zach throwing up.  MIRACLE #3  (If he had stayed asleep, he would surely have died).  We thought he had a concussion as we had been through that before with him.  We thought it best to take him back to the hospital but only Jim went because Britt was asleep and I was still sore.  We didn’t think it was any big deal.  I kept texting Jim while they were at the hospital, but I’ll never forget the worst text I ever received in my entire life.  It was more than a concussion.  Zach was dying.

It turned out that Zach had severed an artery in his brain, fractured his skull, and was bleeding to death.  They needed to rush him into emergency surgery.  Here I was at home with no car since our’s was totaled.  Brittany came out of her room to hear me crying and very upset and then she became very upset as well.  It had been such a hard day and I didn’t realize the toll that this traumatic day had on her.  Looking back, she was so strong for such a little girl.  I called our associate pastor, Dan Stuck, and told him I needed to get to the hospital right away.  He lived about 7 minutes away from me, but I think he arrived in 2 minutes.  He took us to the hospital.  Brittany was having a panic attack and I had to meet up with Jim who had just informed Zach what was going on.  When I went into the room, Zach was so brave and strong – not a tear in his eye – even though you could just tell he was so weak physically. I could barely keep my composure. I told him I loved him so much and then just like that, they wheeled him away.  It was about midnight at this time and I couldn’t be there to protect my son. 

Thankfully for my sanity, people started pouring into the hospital….our parents, our pastor (Lonnie and Carolyn who came all the way from Glenwood in a flash), my sister, friends, and people from our church.  The waiting room was pretty full.  I later found out that so many people we knew were calling each other to pray and so here were all these people losing sleep just to pray for our son.  Kandi Spidell, a friend, came and took Brittany to her house so that she could get some sleep.  I didn’t want Brittany to be away from me, but I knew that I wasn’t very strong at the time to nurture her so she was better off getting some rest.  Still, at 2:00 in the morning, people were coming to the hospital to support us.  I don’t think I could have made it through that time without all of them.  They were my MIRACLE #4!

Zach got out of surgery around 4 am.  When we got to see him, he was all bandaged up on his head, he was crying, thirsty, and weak.  But, he was alive!  They said he did well and that he would probably be in ICU for 24 hours.   But, then came MIRACLE #5 – he was out of ICU by noon and into a regular room where he continued to progress and then MIRACLE #6 – we went home the next day! 

We had so many people coming to the hospital nonstop….family, friends, Zach’s friends from school, the media (we were in the newspaper and on the news).  I think the nursing staff was annoyed with us because it was a flurry of activity and while I appreciated all of the support, I think they were glad we were going home.  The police got wind that Zach ended up back in the hospital so several officers came up and visited him too and even visited after we got home.  When the insurance agent arrived at our house to get my account of things, even he was touched by our story and amazed at the miracle of our son.  Zach got his bandages off and staples out a week later, played sports that following season, and hasn’t had any long term affects other than a scar on his head that you can clearly see if he keeps his hair short. 

A few months later, Zach had to testify against the guy who hit us.  He didn’t even look at Zach and never apologized.  He got sentenced to 5 years in prison, but only served 18 months.  This was his second offense.

No one will ever be able to tell me that miracles don’t happen.  No one will ever be able to tell me that there is no God.  No one will ever be able to tell me to “don’t carpe diem.”   I have sang a song to Zach ever since he was born – you are my sonshine, my only sonshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you’ll never know dear how much I love you, please don’t take my sonshine away!