MOTHERHOOD - An Olympic Sport or the Hunger Games?

In a Pinterest generation, it’s so easy to get caught up in the temptation to show what a great mom I am by having the most creative masterpieces for my son to show off in school.  I understand that Pinterest is not the devil.  It’s a tool.  And, I do believe that there are legitimate reasons for being inspired to do fun, awesome crafts and creations for your children.  I think many moms are skilled in this area and really have a love and talent for creating.  I think that we really do want to give the best to our children and so because we all have a different love language, that is going to look different for each person.  I don’t think that the mom that rocks the valentines box or goodie bag should be judged for her expression of that love or her excellence in the way she demonstrates her unique gifting.  However, that doesn’t look the same for everyone.  And, I think we have to be mindful of the motivation behind the quest for the best.  Unfortunately, sometimes we get caught in the trap of satisfying insecurities in our own lives through our children.  Ouch.  That sounds harsh and it’s not meant to be. It’s meant to be a reality check.  How many times do we start out motivated to help our child or to do something nice for them but then somehow it turns into a competition between who has the best mom or parent among their peers?

You might remember the sting of that comparison just a few months ago around Christmas….We don’t do elf on the shelf (yet) in our house but I have a feeling that by Dec 24 he’d be flushed down the toilet.  I can’t keep up with all of the creativity that goes along with such a small little fellow in pointy shoes.  But, I applaud those who can – that’s awesome!  But, for me, it would be a miracle for me to remember to just move him every day. My son would just have to understand that our elf was drafted from London’s Royal Guard and trained to live a stationary, disciplined life.

But, I realize that there is a pressure and a demand for moms to be at the top of their game when it comes to being compared to the other moms.  Here’s the truth though… a secure mom who can thrive in her area of gifting but can encourage and even cheer on those who are gifted in other areas teach their children to do the same.  Motherhood is not an Olympic sport with its own category so why do we have to compete all of the time?  Sometimes I feel like motherhood has become more like the Hunger Games – “may the odds be ever in your favor.” 

Why can’t we just admit that we are not the best at everything, but maybe we are the best at something?  And then why can’t we be happy for those who are demonstrating their best without thinking that somehow it reflects our failures?  If you aren’t happy with where you are at because you know you want to be the best you can be for you and those you love and you are shortchanging yourself, then take action and change it.  But if you aren’t happy with where you are at because someone else is successful then it’s time for a new perspective on who you are and who you are created to be.  There’s no app in life that will do that for you. 

I’m sending my son to school with Valentine goodie bags he mostly put together because I just enjoyed watching him discover and put some love into each bag (and I wanted to take a million pictures of that one moment so I wouldn’t forget it!).  Ok and let’s be honest – it’s just not something that I’m good at.  But, if his class were putting together an exercise routine or therapy session, I’d be all over it.  I’m sure that other kids are going to show up with grandiose goodies bags that far exceed my son’s simple bag, and I’m not going to judge that mom for that.  I think I might hire her next year to put our bags together!  But in the long term, Micah probably won’t remember that goodie bag he received in preschool five years from now, but he will remember that I love him with all of my flaws and imperfections every day.

LETTING GO...

LOVE AT ITS FULLEST!

I think I need a disclaimer if you are going to continue to read this…. I understand that we are all unique with different perspectives about life and this is just my “spin” on a quote that I just can’t quite wrap my head around in its entirety.  This is in no way an invitation for a debate because hands down – you would win.  I just want to provide a different perspective.  My hope is to challenge and inspire without stirring up strife.  Love is the motivating factor here.  With that being said, the last few months of college have basically taught me that the more I learn, the more I realize I know nothing.  I use to be one of those “black and white” thinkers.  It was an either/or mentality.  I only believed in antonyms and synonyms because nowhere in the thesaurus of my mind was a category for “close but no cigar.”  So here comes the gray area…being able to love oneself without idolizing ourselves.  The Bible says” to love others as we love ourselves: but that “love is not self-seeking.”  So, basically what this says to me is that you are not going to be your only source of love.  This means, that God designed us not just to love but to be loved.  Ok….so I presume you’re still with me.  Hang on here because here’s where it gets interesting….

So, I have read, re-read, and yes re-read again this quote that says “Let go of anything that no longer serves you.”  Yes, I did the correct thing by putting quotes around this saying.  Just a quick bunny trail here about the rules of plagiarism…if it’s not your original work, don’t let me think you are brilliant only to burst your bubble later by finding it on Pinterest.  Granted, on Pinterest it’s probably going to be attributed to the wrong author, but at least someone gets an E for effort.  Ok – that was my little soap box about fighting grammar crime and what was a I talking about?  Oh yes…letting go.   I need to let that go, right?  Haha...  Anyways,  I totally understand what this quote is saying.  There are going to be things and people in your life that do need to go.  Period.  These are the abusive and assaulting thoughts against your identity, the irrational fear, the excessive worry, the hate, the unforgiveness, the impatience, the rudeness…the list is longer than you or I have time for.  Let those things go.  And do it NOW!

So, what’s the controversy?  Maybe you can answer this question and break out of the black and white…. When was the last time you grew stronger?  Was it when the sun was shining and you were sipping fruity, umbrella filled drinks on the beach being served?  Or was it the time that you were in the thick of the fight, bruised and beaten because you pushed yourself past the point of comfort and chose to take a challenge head on to win? 

I don’t think we should allow this quote to give permission to miss out on opportunities for not only personal challenge and growth but to give others a chance to be loved. 

I’m a mom.  I’m a wife.  I’m an employee.  Let me tell you – these roles don’t always serve me.  There was the time that my three year old son recently went through an entire week of whining and throwing fits.  He wasn’t serving me.  In fact, let’s be honest that he was making my life pretty miserable.  There was the time that my teenagers….ok I better not even go there!  So, I know what you’re thinking – you HAD to stay.  You can’t let go of your kids.  Fair enough.  Let’s move on.  There’s the time when my husband was so sick for several months that he could not take care of himself let alone me and our three and one year old children.  What if I had just abandoned him at that critical time in my life because he wasn’t serving me?  Look at our life now – it was worth the fight! 

Never give up on love!

Those of you who know me know that I love my job.  But, I didn’t start out where I am today.  I had to work through climbing the ladder of menial tasks and what I saw as insignificant duties.  I had a college education, and I was answering phones and typing stupid documents.  (Yes, stupid because that’s how I felt when I was watching everyone else in the office get to do the cool stuff like helping the poor and needy while I had to do THEIR clerical work.).  But, they needed me.  And, if I had said that my job wasn’t serving me, than I wouldn’t have been a part of getting to help someone else realize their dream.  And, I would have missed out on the vital training process that was needed for me to develop character, skills and experience to be able to serve where I do now with excellence. 

So, sometimes not everything is going to serve you.  You are going to serve others.  It’s going to happen when your son gets up in the middle of the night to throw up all over YOUR sheets.  It’s going to happen when you get a call in the busiest part of your day because someone knows you will stop and care for them.  It’s going to happen when you see that young mom who just needs an encouraging word to keep going when you just got a call from your kids’ school that they are in the office.  It’s going to happen when someone cuts you off on the interstate and you see them later at a red light and you don’t flip them off!  (a little humor here…)  It’s going to happen when someone else gets that promotion and you congratulate them even though you know you could have done better.  It’s going to happen when you are working to fulfill someone else’s dream while you know you were made for something great.  It’s going to happen when your friend fits into a smaller pant size and you haven’t eaten dessert in a week and still can’t button your pants.  It’s going to happen when you see someone in financial need and you’ve been saving for something you had your heart set on.

And, what goes around comes around.  The day that you think you can’t possibly hold on one more second to that person who seems so unloveable may be the time when you get that breakthrough.  Aren’t you glad that no one gave up on you when you were at your weakest?  And, if they did give up on you because you weren’t serving them, then shame on you???  No way!!  It probably hurt didn’t it?  And you were worth holding onto. 

Ok… so just to clarify.  I’m not saying to stay in an abusive relationship or that negative people in your life should “hold a starring role in your movie” (thanks Lonnie Parton for that great analogy! – credit where credit is due!).  Sometimes you need to cut those strings not just because they aren’t serving you but because they are destroying you.  I’m NOT talking about those relationships here. 

I am saying that sometimes we are going to be the one that love and sometimes we are going to be the target of love.  We aren’t going to be served by every relationship out there.  Hopefully, there will be times when you are going to be the person that someday someone will say “well done good and faithful servant!  Here is your reward!” 

Go out and love extravagantly today - there is no lack of opportunities!  

And position yourself to be loved too!  You are worth it!