MOTHERHOOD - An Olympic Sport or the Hunger Games?
In a Pinterest generation, it’s so easy to get caught up in
the temptation to show what a great mom I am by having the most creative
masterpieces for my son to show off in school.
I understand that Pinterest is not the devil. It’s a tool.
And, I do believe that there are legitimate reasons for being inspired
to do fun, awesome crafts and creations for your children. I think many moms are skilled in this area
and really have a love and talent for creating.
I think that we really do want to give the best to our children and so
because we all have a different love language, that is going to look different
for each person. I don’t think that the
mom that rocks the valentines box or goodie bag should be judged for her
expression of that love or her excellence in the way she demonstrates her
unique gifting. However, that doesn’t
look the same for everyone. And, I think
we have to be mindful of the motivation behind the quest for the best. Unfortunately, sometimes we get caught in the
trap of satisfying insecurities in our own lives through our children. Ouch.
That sounds harsh and it’s not meant to be. It’s meant to be a reality
check. How many times do we start out
motivated to help our child or to do something nice for them but then somehow it turns
into a competition between who has the best mom or parent among their peers?
You might remember the sting of that comparison just a few
months ago around Christmas….We don’t do elf on the shelf (yet) in our house
but I have a feeling that by Dec 24 he’d be flushed down the toilet. I can’t keep up with all of the creativity
that goes along with such a small little fellow in pointy shoes. But, I applaud those who can – that’s awesome! But, for me, it would be a miracle for me to
remember to just move him every day. My son would just have to understand that
our elf was drafted from London’s Royal Guard and trained to live a stationary,
disciplined life.
But, I realize that there is a
pressure and a demand for moms to be at the top of their game when it comes to
being compared to the other moms. Here’s
the truth though… a secure mom who can thrive in her area of gifting but can encourage
and even cheer on those who are gifted in other areas teach their children to
do the same. Motherhood is not an Olympic
sport with its own category so why do we have to compete all of the time? Sometimes I feel like motherhood has become
more like the Hunger Games – “may the odds be ever in your favor.”
Why can’t we just admit that we are not the best at
everything, but maybe we are the best at something? And
then why can’t we be happy for those who are demonstrating their best without
thinking that somehow it reflects our failures?If you
aren’t happy with where you are at because you know you want to be the best you
can be for you and those you love and you are shortchanging yourself, then take
action and change it. But if you aren’t
happy with where you are at because someone else is successful then it’s time
for a new perspective on who you are and who you are created to be. There’s no app in life that will do that for
you.
I’m sending my son to school with Valentine goodie
bags he mostly put together because I just enjoyed watching him discover and
put some love into each bag (and I wanted to take a million pictures of that
one moment so I wouldn’t forget it!). Ok
and let’s be honest – it’s just not something that I’m good at. But, if his class were putting together an
exercise routine or therapy session, I’d be all over it. I’m sure that other kids are going to show up
with grandiose goodies bags that far exceed my son’s simple bag, and I’m not
going to judge that mom for that. I think I might hire her next year to put
our bags together! But in the long
term, Micah probably won’t remember that goodie bag he received in preschool five
years from now, but he will remember that I love him with all of my flaws and
imperfections every day.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
LETTING GO...
LOVE AT ITS FULLEST!
I think I need a disclaimer if you are going to
continue to read this…. I understand that we are all unique with different
perspectives about life and this is just my “spin” on a quote that I just can’t
quite wrap my head around in its entirety.
This is in no way an invitation for a debate because hands down – you would
win. I just want to provide a different
perspective. My hope is to challenge and
inspire without stirring up strife. Love
is the motivating factor here. With that
being said, the last few months of college have basically taught me that the
more I learn, the more I realize I know nothing. I use to be one of those “black and white”
thinkers. It was an either/or mentality. I only believed in antonyms and synonyms
because nowhere in the thesaurus of my mind was a category for “close but no
cigar.” So here comes the gray area…being
able to love oneself without idolizing ourselves. The Bible says” to love others as we love
ourselves: but that “love is not self-seeking.”
So, basically what this says to me is that you are not going to be your
only source of love. This means, that
God designed us not just to love but to be loved. Ok….so I presume you’re still with me. Hang on here because here’s where it gets
interesting….
So, I have read, re-read, and yes re-read again this
quote that says “Let go of anything that no longer serves you.” Yes, I did the correct thing by putting
quotes around this saying. Just a quick bunny trail here about the
rules of plagiarism…if it’s not your original work, don’t let me think you are
brilliant only to burst your bubble later by finding it on Pinterest. Granted, on Pinterest it’s probably going to
be attributed to the wrong author, but at least someone gets an E for effort. Ok – that was my little soap box about
fighting grammar crime and what was a I talking about? Oh yes…letting go. I need to let that go, right? Haha... Anyways, I totally understand what this quote is
saying. There are going to be things and
people in your life that do need to go.
Period. These are the abusive and
assaulting thoughts against your identity, the irrational fear, the excessive worry,
the hate, the unforgiveness, the impatience, the rudeness…the list is longer than
you or I have time for. Let those things
go. And do it NOW!
So, what’s the controversy? Maybe you can answer this question and break
out of the black and white…. When was the last time you grew stronger? Was it when the sun was shining and you were
sipping fruity, umbrella filled drinks on the beach being served? Or was it the time that you were in the thick
of the fight, bruised and beaten because you pushed yourself past the point of
comfort and chose to take a challenge head on to win?
I don’t think we should allow this quote to give
permission to miss out on opportunities for not only personal challenge and growth
but to give others a chance to be loved.
I’m a mom. I’m
a wife. I’m an employee. Let me tell you – these roles don’t always
serve me. There was the time that my
three year old son recently went through an entire week of whining and throwing
fits. He wasn’t serving me. In fact, let’s be honest that he was making
my life pretty miserable. There was the
time that my teenagers….ok I better not even go there! So, I know what you’re thinking – you HAD to
stay. You can’t let go of your
kids. Fair enough. Let’s move on. There’s the time when my husband was so sick for
several months that he could not take care of himself let alone me and our three and one year old children. What if I had just abandoned him at that
critical time in my life because he wasn’t serving me? Look at our life now – it was worth the fight!
Never give up on love!
Those of you who know me know that I love my
job. But, I didn’t start out where I am
today. I had to work through climbing
the ladder of menial tasks and what I saw as insignificant duties. I had a college education, and I was answering
phones and typing stupid documents.
(Yes, stupid because that’s how I felt when I was watching everyone else
in the office get to do the cool stuff like helping the poor and needy while I
had to do THEIR clerical work.). But,
they needed me. And, if I had said that
my job wasn’t serving me, than I wouldn’t have been a part of getting to help
someone else realize their dream. And, I
would have missed out on the vital training process that was needed for me to
develop character, skills and experience to be able to serve where I do now
with excellence.
So, sometimes not everything is going to serve
you. You are going to serve others. It’s going to happen when your son gets up in
the middle of the night to throw up all over YOUR sheets. It’s going to happen when you get a call in
the busiest part of your day because someone knows you will stop and care for
them. It’s going to happen when you see
that young mom who just needs an encouraging word to keep going when you just
got a call from your kids’ school that they are in the office. It’s going to happen when someone cuts you
off on the interstate and you see them later at a red light and you don’t flip
them off! (a little humor here…) It’s going to happen when someone else gets
that promotion and you congratulate them even though you know you could have
done better. It’s going to happen when
you are working to fulfill someone else’s dream while you know you were made
for something great. It’s going to
happen when your friend fits into a smaller pant size and you haven’t eaten
dessert in a week and still can’t button your pants. It’s going to happen when you see someone in financial
need and you’ve been saving for something you had your heart set on.
And, what goes around comes around.The day that you think you can’t possibly
hold on one more second to that person who seems so unloveable may be the time
when you get that breakthrough.Aren’t
you glad that no one gave up on you when you were at your weakest?And, if they did give up on you because you
weren’t serving them, then shame on you???No way!!It probably hurt didn’t
it?And you were worth holding
onto.
Ok…
so just to clarify. I’m not saying to
stay in an abusive relationship or that negative people in your life should “hold
a starring role in your movie” (thanks Lonnie Parton for that great analogy! –
credit where credit is due!). Sometimes
you need to cut those strings not just because they aren’t serving you but
because they are destroying you. I’m NOT
talking about those relationships here.
I am saying that sometimes we are going to be the
one that love and sometimes we are going to be the target of love. We aren’t going to be served by every
relationship out there. Hopefully, there
will be times when you are going to be the person that someday someone will say
“well done good and faithful servant!
Here is your reward!”
Go out and love extravagantly today - there is no lack of opportunities!
And position yourself to be loved too! You are worth it!
One of our latest spin classes had an 80’s theme and we had
the opportunity to dress up.It was all
fun and games until my leg warmers really kicked in and my body temperature
went up by another 100 degrees.Who
thought that leg warmers were needed when working out?Obviously someone who really wasn’t working
out.
Getting my spin on
As I was leaving out the door to go to class, my husband
started to generate some static cling and I told him (really loudly) – “Don’t
touch me!”I was afraid a spark could
set my hair on fire with all of the hair spray I had used.Unfortunately, it wasn’t authentic Aqua Net
but still…..As I was heading to class,
I prayed the whole way “please don’t let me get in a wreck.Please don’t let the car break down.”I didn’t want to have to explain to anyone
why I would voluntarily want to live my jr. high/high school fashions
again.And when I was researching for 80’s exercise
fashion, I didn’t remember EVER working out in the 80’s.I was on the pom pon team at AL so I guess
that was all the exercise I thought I needed.I don’t know how to explain what I was doing for exercise the other years that I wasn’t dancing away
to “we built this city on rock and roll!”
My days on the pom pon team
In any event, this one 45 minute class has caused my whole
week to go into flashback mode so not only had my legs been spinning, but my mind was too.I was
thinking about who I was in the 80’s and in order to fully visualize my
youthful years, I got out the photo books.One thing was for sure – my hair got bigger and bigger each year.
Here I am at 16... It's my birthday!
As I looked at my former self, I naturally compared myself
to the woman I am today.While I didn’t
have stretch marks and wrinkles back then, I hardly was in the best shape of my
life.Physically, mentally and
spiritually I was a lost soul.I could
look back at all of the regrets I have about who I was and how I treated
people.I could also sit here in a pity
party and pout as I think about all of the unfair things that happened to
me.But, that would be a lot of wasted time
and energy because I can’t go back and change the past. I can
only forge ahead, learn from my mistakes, forgive adversity, and create a
better future for myself and those around me.And, I really am sorry to those that I may have hurt along the way in all
of my self-centeredness.
If there’s anything I have learned about those years, it is
that words have such impact.It’s funny
how we can forget all of the kind words that have been spoken toward us but we
remember that one piercing criticism that cut deep.For some, it may have even defined who you
were.And, all of the emotions
surrounding that one word seem to come flooding back full force.And, we believe it – again.The Bible says that the Lord actually
declares over us that he knows the plans He has for you which are plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.If such a declaration has been made over us
by the very creator of us, then I believe that word trumps any accusation that
comes against us that would tell us otherwise.It’s time to let those lies of the past go and embrace what you were
created for – a good destiny. And, we
need to remember that it’s not just words that have been spoken against us, but
that we too hold power in our words to either build people up or tear them down.And that takes love.Sometimes we can’t always see the good in
other people to say something nice to them or about them.Those are the times your mama instructed you
about “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”Trust me, I’m not always walking in love or
remembering these words especially when people so some pretty dumb things.
So, anyways, if I could tell my 1980’s self a thing to two
from what I’ve learned over the past 20 years, I’d need to be writing a book
and not a blog.
I did come across some notes I had written in my journal in
2005 about things I’ve learned in life back then….Obviously, nothing too deep
but good practical advice nonetheless.
Never wear
a pink belt because from a distance, the belt looks flesh colored and your belt
loop looks like a butt crack
Always smile for pictures otherwise someone will
have a really bad picture of you
Always be thankful and say “thanks”
Smile continuously
Don’t always talk about yourself
I told you it wasn’t too deep.Haha…But the things I would say today would be:
Appreciate the time you have with those you
love and make sure they know you love them.Don’t wait for a tragedy to happen.
Take care of yourself – physically, spiritually
and emotionally
Take risks
Love, Love, LOVE
Bad days are going to happen – they don’t define
you.If you live as a victim, you will
be a magnet for bad things to come your way.Be victorious instead and then help others get their victory
Everyone has a story to tell and they need to be
heard.Everyone has value.
Be thankful
Be a blessing to others
Life doesn’t have to be serious all of the time –
have fun, laugh and do something silly and childlike once in a while
Be serious when you need to be serious
Don’t make excuses
Live your dreams
Don’t ever stop dreaming!
Get your finances in order
Love some more – love God, love yourself, love
others
Don’t compare yourself to others to define your
success – be successful by doing what you were created to do and be who you
were meant to be
You are loved by the creator of the
universe!He is your ever present help
in time of need.
Don't compromise what you know is right
Keep learning and adding to this list all of the
days of your life
So throw your pink belts away and say something nice to
yourself.And take my advice – leg warmers
are not practical for working out.
This guy is one of several reasons I have to be a better person!
Like many women, I am not immune from the constant weight
loss issues that plague people like me who prefer to live in the land of milk
and honey. And, while life isn’t all about
weight (and I can easily say that when I’m not tipping the scale to a bigger
jean size), I am finding that I have discovered so many life lessons in my
journey to lose some baggage.
The other day someone came up to me and told me that they noticed
I was losing weight. It was good to hear
that, and encouragement is good because it’s easy to get caught up in fixating
on the imperfections we have in our lives.
With that being said, however, there are two extremes we can go to: 1. We
can get so caught up in the praise and compliments of others that we make it
our goal to do things simply for the kudos and then what happens when the compliments
stop coming? or 2. We can take the advice of some well meaning
people to focus on only the positive things and ignore our flaws. For purposes of this blog entry, I’m going to
focus on the latter of the two because while it would be great to look at my
cellulite through rose-colored glasses, it doesn’t make it go away (just ask
the people that have to look at me from behind while I’m in my own little lala
land focusing on the “positive things.”).
Sometimes we have to take a good hard look at ourselves and see that
some of our shortcomings really are hindering us to be better people and that
we need to do something about it.
I have had to do some hard soul searching at various points
in my life. The Bible says that people
will know we are Christians by our love.
Not by our great speaking, amazing talent, powerful prayers, pretty
faces, our ability to boss people around, how well we follow the rules, and so
on and so forth. We are identified by
love. Let’s face it people…I wasn’t
always this loving and kind. I am a
Christian in the very sense that Jesus is my first love and my life flows out
of that. But there are times in the past
that my love deficit would have identified me as belonging to the church of the
devil. . In fact, this guy came up to me
at church and said that he had met one of my friends from high school that I
haven’t seen since high school. He
wanted to know if I wanted to tell her anything. I said “tell her I am not the same person she
knew then!” All I was back then was some
self-centered teenager who just wanted to be loved but knew nothing about
love. Oh sure, Jim and I delivered Meals
on Wheels to elderly people and volunteered for many worthy causes. But, I didn’t know what it meant to have my
life fulfilled by being driven by love.
I only thought my worth back then was defined by what I could succeed
at. And when you live like that, you
don’t have true relationship with people because if they don’t make you feel
good about yourself, then they don’t last.
I’m all about self-esteem boosting, but I think we’ve gone
too far in this day and age where we are told that we have to make everyone
(our kids) feel good about themselves at any cost. They may feel good about themselves, but it
doesn’t mean that all that patronizing is good for them. Cookies and cupcakes make me feel good, but it
doesn’t mean it’s good for me. You need people in your life that challenge
you. You need the people that don’t let
you simply ignore your flaws but can tell you like it is, make you face it, and
get the victory. Thankfully, I have let
those people into my life to cheer me on.
I enjoy an accolade or too, for sure.
But, I also want those people in my life that don’t let me get away with
things if it’s not good for my destiny.
Disclaimer: this is not
permission for everyone who reads this to tell me what I’m doing wrong in
life. What I’m saying is that just as
much as I want to attain a healthy weight, I want the rest of me (spirit, soul
AND body) to be healthy too. In all these areas, it means that no amount of positive thinking will make the negative go away. It takes action…it takes discipline….it takes
people...it takes honest evaluation…..it takes change...it takes love...did I mention that it takes ACTION!.
So some of the things I’m working on are being kinder and
preferring other people. This is really
hard sometimes. The world would be a
better place if all of the slow drivers followed the rule that the right lane
is for them. Why do they insist on
getting in the FAST lane and do 5 miles under the speed limit or two cars in
two different lanes driving the SAME, slow speed and you can’t get around either
of them??? ? I have had to bite my tongue
several times and while I don’t have to use symbols for what comes out of my
mouth, I have uttered the word “idiot” on several occasions. So, I’m a work in progress trying to be more
patient and realizing that not everything in life has to be an issue. I smile more, I strike up conversations with
people I meet in public because I believe every person has a story to tell and
needs to be heard, and I don’t take everything so seriously (which might be
annoying to some people). I try to take the same
advice that I give to my kids - it’s not always about you!
Here’s my advice …. Let
people in your life who love you and if they love you, they are gonna cheer you
on BUT they will also challenge and inspire you to DO better and to BE better (please
note, I am not talking about being in a relationship that is verbally,
physically or emotionally abusive – there is a difference). AND, You need to know that you have something to offer others that can help them be better too.
So my question to you is are you living the good life or are
you living the BEST life?
If you look at the magazine rack, you will see that almost
every woman’s magazine has an article about weight loss.It’s an issue that keeps the profits rolling
in if anyone even mentions that they have a solution.Well, I’ve purchased my fair share of
magazines and perused through articles hoping to find the magic answer, but I’ve
found that aside from hiring the next plastic surgeon, I’m going to have to
work hard, be disciplined, and suck it up (not in) if I want to fit into my
jeans.I try to bring perspective into
my weight loss efforts on a regular basis otherwise that’s all I can think
about and I don’t want to rob my life of enjoyment.Though it does take effort, this journey can’t
BE my life, it just has to be part of my life.It’s funny how we look at pictures of ourselves and think we are sooooo
fat.And then, a few years later we’ll
get that same picture out after we’ve gained a few pounds and think “boy I look
pretty good in that picture!”`So, I’ve
learned that we don’t always look as bad as we think we do.I’m also as healthy as a lark and so I don’t
want to miss out on what life has for me if I’m constantly obsessing over my
weight.I have learned that I need to be
thankful for what I have and what I’m able to accomplish.
Needless to say, my weight loss journey has been a success
and so I hope that if you’re struggling in that area, that I can inspire you
that you can do it!It has taken me
almost one year to lose 10 pounds.Sounds easy right?If you do the
math, you’re suppose to burn roughly 3,000 calories for every pound you want to
lose so I only need to burn 30,000 calories.That equals 75 spin classes.But,
the scale hasn’t quite cooperated the way I think it should unless I jump off
of it when it hits the number I want.But, the crazy thing is that last night I put on the same dress I wore a
little over a year ago when I was the same weight that I am now.Oddly, that dress didn’t fit…in a good
way!It was too big!So, the scale can be a bit deceptive.In any event, here’s a summary of where I’ve
been and where I’m going…..
Before I was pregnant with Micah almost three years ago, I
consistently weighed about 150 pounds (and I always fluctuate within 5 pounds….for
example 150-155).I didn’t weigh that
much until we moved out to West Omaha and had every restaurant imaginable
available to us.We ate a ton!Literally….
So, then I get the surprise of my life of being pregnant,
and I balloon to a whopping 200 pounds.If I took my jewelry and shoes off, I don’t think I quite made it to 200
but I was close thanks to Cheesecake Factory and Dairy Queen.That was a miserable weight because I couldn’t
even walk to the back of Walmart to get milk.But, I knew this was probably going to be my last pregnancy and I wanted
to seize every moment to eat for two people while I could.
Thankfully, after delivering Micah my thyroid became my
friend as it went into overdrive, but also through some portion control and
exercise, I dropped quickly into a normal weight well under the 150 I was
carrying before.
Then in January of 2010 I started the C25K running program
and in March started going to the gym regularly.At that point in life, I might have been
weighing 140 pounds, but I felt as strong as an ox.I had much more energy and endurance, I felt
good, and I enjoyed that I could wear shorts and cute dresses.I felt more emotionally balanced and as my
earlier blogs pointed out, some things in my life started to come into
perspective.
But, I wanted to hit my goal weight of 135 so right before
my 40th birthday, I was motivated like a champ to get there.And, I did!But, I’m still fluctuating at those 5 pounds (135-140) and I want to get
down to 130 so I can fluctuate in between 130-135.So, 5 pounds to go….
If you want to know the secret, there’s really not much to
it.Here’s a few things I do that might
help you get started…
·Be honest about where you are at and be
realistic about your goals
·Remember you are not alone – there’s plenty of
support out there from people who’ve been there before or are on the journey
right alongside of you
·Put health as your number one priority over the
number on the scale
·Exercise…I exercise a lot but I find the things
I enjoy doing so that it doesn’t feel like work.I actually WANT to exercise.I take spin class which is my first and
favorite activity and I’m hoping to do Ragbrai this summer or next.But, it’s just important to get up and move
on a regular basis instead of sitting all of the time (at my job, I try to get
up at least every 30 minutes and stand while working on stuff).In order to keep going, I’ve schedule things
like the Warrior Dash to keep me motivated to not quit – this is a lifestyle
not a phase.
·If you have an event to go to, say a cruise for
instance, enjoy it and don’t beat yourself up.We just went on our first cruise, and I wasn’t going to feel depressed
about what I ate.I knew I was going to
eat and I knew I was going to come home and NOT continue to eat like that.Give yourself a break once in a while and
enjoy life.
·Don’t give up if you have a setback and go back
to the old ways.Just pick yourself up,
dust yourself off, and move on.
·Eat….and enjoy it.I eat what I want but I usually only take a
few bites of what I want and then I feel satisfied (unless it’s Sunday which is
my free for all day…bring on the cupcakes!).With that being said, here’s some of our eating habits:
1.We hardly ever eat out.This not only saves the calories but also the
moola.
2.We buy food that is free of hormones and
antibiotics and try to buy organic when we can.We make sure our meat has been treated with dignity and that it had a
happy life (preferably grass fed and cage free).It just makes me feel better….
3.For some sweets, I like to eat Lavish Dark
Chocolate Oatmeal with a spoonful of peanut butter for breakfast.For snacks, I eat a few chocolate animal
crackers or ritz crackers dippled in peanut butter and sprinkled with a few chocolate
chips.I eat a lot of nuts, fruits and I’m
still working on increasing more veggies.
4.I don’t eat late at night, and I eat when I’m
hungry.
So, cheer me on as I try to hit my goal weight and I’m here
to cheer you on if you need a boost to get started to or to keep going.While I was running one day, I thought about
starting an online prayer group or some support group if you just wanted some
encouragement in this area.I don’t know
what that looks like in reality, but I am your biggest cheerleader – you can do
it!In the words of Stuart Smalley, “you
are good enough, you are smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!”
If you think back about your life, you’ll remember some days
better than others.There will be those
days that have come and gone without even a mere thought because of the mundane
routine of thing, there will be faint recollections of events from other days
because something significant happened, and then there will be the days that
you remember every single detail because that was the day that changed you
forever.I have had several life
altering days, most of them have been good….the day I got married, the births
of my children….but there was one day in particular that has made the most
impact for the rest of my future.I
literally think of it EVERY day and have since it happened in March 2004.It was the day that I almost lost my son,
Zach.I realize that to most of you who
read this, this is really, really old news.But, this isn’t about shedding light on some new insight.I’m just merely writing this mainly for
myself .I was reading the blog the
other day from the mom who gave her perspective about “Don’t Carpe Dieme”(yes most of you moms have probably read it…).And while I’m not blogging here to dispute
the validity of her claim that not every moment of parenting is enjoyable, I
will say that you can’t tell a mom who’s almost lost her precious son to not embrace
every minute of his life, even if those moments are inconvenient for me or have
made me reach my boiling point.That’s
not to say that parenting is easy or that Zach hasn’t gotten in his fair share
of trouble.I get a call from his school
EVERY year in October telling me that Zach would rather entertain his class
than embrace his academic excellence.If
you know Zach, you’ll agree he is THE messiest person you’ve ever met.Because there were so many grandkids on my
mom’s side of the family, I didn’t get much after their passing but I did get
an antique milk glass lamp that I displayed proudly in my foyer.You guessed it – Zach broke it!My niece, Sarah, made a sculpture with her
very best friend that they were going to display in their apartments one
day.Zach managed to break that too and
we hardly ever went to their house!There have been consequences for Zach’s actions.But, no matter what we go through in life, I’ll
take the bad with the good because it could have been worse…there could have
been no more good times to be had if he had died that day.
The rest of this blog is rather lengthy because it’s my
version of what happened that day because it changed everything about how I
view those around me, how I don’t take anything for granted, and about the most
amazing miracle I have ever witnessed. There’s a scripture that admonishes us to
declare the wonderful works that the Lord has done and I don’t want to forget
and I want others to hold onto hope that no matter what you’re going through,
there is a real God who cares about everything we go through good and bad!). So, if you don’t want to read the rest of this
blog, I totally understand because it’s mostly for me and it’s for my son.So, I leave you with this…
Our life really is fleeting…here today and possibly gone
tomorrow.And, that goes for those that
you love too.There are no guarantees
that you’ll have that next opportunity to express your love to those around
you. The time here is so short that if it’s
all taken up with hate and anger, then it’s a wasted life.There’s only enough time to love.If you died today, what would you want the
world to know about you?If someone you loved died today, what would
you have regretted – would it be something you said to them (or didn’t say?),
would it be time you didn’t spend with them, would it be time you spent being
angry and meditating on all of the petty things that didn’t go your way?
The things I learned that day have changed me forever.I would be amiss if I didn’t share them.There’s no reason to have to go through a
tragedy to learn to carpe diem even if a well known and highly circulated blog
tells you that you don’t have to.Here
are a few things I learned that will change you if you let it.
1.Be
thankful – for everything!You will
always find at least one thing to be thankful for and then express that
thanks!Once you find that ONE thing,
there will be more to come….
2.There is a real God who does hear our prayers
and is moved at the sound of our voices.He cares about us and He has not left us alone to go through this life
miserable until we reach the sweet by and by.
3.There are people in your life that care about
you and there are people in your life to care for.Weakness isn’t necessarily failure.There are times that we need to rely on the strength
of others to get us through our own victories.And, there will be times when you need to step up to the plate and see a
need and fill it.You may be the answer
to someone’s prayers
4.Really, really enjoy those around you especially
your family!Don’t be so serious all of
the time and don’t think that everything is a crisis.Laugh with each other and be happy!The goal of your family isn’t to be perfect….it’s
to have a place where love can bloom.
5.Determine to be the type of person that others
want to be around.Do you bring life to
others or do you bring others down?If
you think your purpose in life is to complain so that others do something about
it to make your life more comfortable, then you haven’t truly embraced what
love really means.
6.You have a purpose and a destiny to be
fulfilled.I don’t necessarily condone
the “live as this is your last day” because then it would be easy to make
stupid decisions like to get into debt and stuff like that.But, I do live as if each day has a purpose
and a reason and if it happens to be my last, would I have fulfilled my destiny
and purpose
7.LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.Even when it hurts.LOVE…..God’s love for us sent his only son to the cross so that we could love.When I think about my son, I realize the
great price that was paid.
From the moment Zach was born, I knew there was something
special about that little guy.I
distinctly remember sitting on my couch holding him up over my shoulder the
first day I brought him home and crying because I felt like Zach was going to accomplish
something so big.Just a week after
being born, he was diagnosed with meningitis and had to be hospitalized.There’s nothing worse than to watch your
lifeless baby who couldn’t even cry when they were doing the spinal tap because
he was so weak and sick.I wasn’t very
strong during that…I could only sit and cry.But, he bounced back pretty quickly and brought so much energy to our
house.He was very active and one of Jim’s
friends told him once that he didn’t want to have a kid like Zach because he
was so hyper.Of course, this was a
single guy with no experience with children. Though Ritalin crossed my mind
SEVERAL times during his childhood, I knew God created this boy with enthusiasm
for living and I didn’t care what anyone said – he was my son and I appreciated
that our life wasn’t dull and boring because he brought so much zeal to it.Again, that’s not to say that our house was
void of discipline or flared tempers.
So we were pretty much cruising through life until March 23,
2004.Britt was 10 and Zach was 8.I was driving home from picking up the kids
from school and it was about 3:30 pm.I
had to turn right around to go back to the school in about another hour to go
for conferences. We were headed up the
usual street that went to our house on Park Ave. in Council Bluffs.We were driving a Ford Windstar van that we
had just purchased from a sweet deal off of Ebay.It had all the bells and whistles.Zach was in the seat directly behind me and
Brittany was in the seat behind the passenger side.She had her seat belt on…Zach did not which I
didn’t know at the time.As we were
going through that fateful intersection, we were having our usual after school
conversation – “how was your day, what happened,” etc.The direction I was going did not have a stop
sign so I proceeded through that intersection and caught a glimpse out of my
left eye that there was a car going unusually fast and coming right at us.I didn’t even have time to warn the kids and
it would have been my normal reflex to step on the break, but I didn’t.MIRACLE #1.(If I had put on the break, we wouldn’t have been as far up and the
impact to our van would more than likely have killed either me or Zach.).We were instantly hit on the third row seat
driver’s side.I think the other driver
was going 55 in a 25 mph speed zone.Immediately upon impact, Brittany started screaming all the way until
our car slammed into a brick wall up past a sidewalk.MIRACLE #2 (If anyone had been on the sidewalk, they probably
would have been killed). We finally came to a stop and I looked back to see if
the kids were ok.Brittany was in shock
but I knew she was ok.Zach, on the
other hand, was wedged in between his seat and the door lying on the floor
motionless.I was instantly in a panic
and got out of the car to try to flag someone down.Crazy thoughts go through your head when you’re
under pressure.I couldn’t see the other
driver because he had flown down the other street out of sight from where we
landed so I thought he had fled the scene.We had been involved in a minor accident a few months prior and there
were no witnesses.So, I was thinking “I
hope someone saw something and I need to be sure they stay at the scene to help
us.”I flagged down the first car I saw
but I could barely walk because I was a bit hurt, scared for Zach, dazed and
confused.All I could say was “my son,
did you see that, my son is hurt, I think the other driver left….”The driver of that car got out but he just
happened to be in a police uniform.I
thought that was great that the witness to my accident had been an actual law
enforcement official so surely he would attest that it was not my fault.Later, I found out that that same police
officer had been “chasing” the driver who hit us.The police couldn’t admit that he was chasing
him because of liability and technicalities, but it turned out that he had
stopped that driver over under suspicion that he was driving with a mobile meth
lab (there’s more to the story, but this is the basics).When they were pulled over and the officer
got out of his car, the driver sped off but ultimately we stopped him.Who knew at the time that we would be crime
fighters on that day?
So anyways, the officer came to our van and more police
officers started coming to the scene.Zach started to come to and I kept asking him what his name was.At first he couldn’t answer me at, then he
finally could utter some words but his speech was slurred which really scared
me.They got us ready to put in an
ambulance and I knew I had to call Jim to let him know where we were goingI barely said anything to him other than we
had been hit and were going to the hospital in an ambulance.I’m sure I sent him into a panic with so
little information but I didn’t have my wits about me.Then, I knew I needed to call the school to
let them know I wouldn’t make it for conferences.The crazy things we do…..
So, we loaded up in the ambulance.Brittany wasn’t hurt, but they let her ride
with us anyways.We ended up at the
hospital where Jim and several friends and family came as well.They sent me right into xrays because they
thought I might have crushed my ribs. Thankfully, I was just bruised.Zach was talking fine by then so they just
examined him but did no special tests.After everything apparently checked out, they discharged us and sent us
home.
My parents came home to spend some time with us and so my
dad and Jim could go retrieve things from our van.Zach and Britt went to the tv room to
rest.I was pretty sore, so we went to
bed rather early.We awoke out of our
sleep around 8 or 9 pm to Zach throwing up.MIRACLE #3 (If he had stayed
asleep, he would surely have died).We thought
he had a concussion as we had been through that before with him.We thought it best to take him back to the
hospital but only Jim went because Britt was asleep and I was still sore.We didn’t think it was any big deal.I kept texting Jim while they were at the
hospital, but I’ll never forget the worst text I ever received in my entire
life.It was more than a
concussion.Zach was dying.
It turned out that Zach had severed an artery in his brain,
fractured his skull, and was bleeding to death.They needed to rush him into emergency surgery.Here I was at home with no car since our’s
was totaled.Brittany came out of her room
to hear me crying and very upset and then she became very upset as well.It had been such a hard day and I didn’t
realize the toll that this traumatic day had on her.Looking back, she was so strong for such a
little girl.I called our associate
pastor, Dan Stuck, and told him I needed to get to the hospital right
away.He lived about 7 minutes away from
me, but I think he arrived in 2 minutes.He took us to the hospital.Brittany was having a panic attack and I had to meet up with Jim who had
just informed Zach what was going on.When I went into the room, Zach was so brave and strong – not a tear in
his eye – even though you could just tell he was so weak physically. I could
barely keep my composure. I told him I loved him so much and then just like
that, they wheeled him away.It was
about midnight at this time and I couldn’t be there to protect my son.
Thankfully for my sanity, people started pouring into the
hospital….our parents, our pastor (Lonnie and Carolyn who came all the way from
Glenwood in a flash), my sister, friends, and people from our church.The waiting room was pretty full.I later found out that so many people we knew
were calling each other to pray and so here were all these people losing sleep
just to pray for our son.Kandi Spidell,
a friend, came and took Brittany to her house so that she could get some
sleep.I didn’t want Brittany to be away
from me, but I knew that I wasn’t very strong at the time to nurture her so she
was better off getting some rest.Still,
at 2:00 in the morning, people were coming to the hospital to support us.I don’t think I could have made it through
that time without all of them.They were
my MIRACLE #4!
Zach got out of surgery around 4 am.When we got to see him, he was all bandaged
up on his head, he was crying, thirsty, and weak.But, he was alive!They said he did well and that he would
probably be in ICU for 24 hours.But,
then came MIRACLE #5 – he was out of ICU by noon and into a regular room where
he continued to progress and then MIRACLE #6 – we went home the next day!
We had so many people coming to the hospital nonstop….family,
friends, Zach’s friends from school, the media (we were in the newspaper and on
the news).I think the nursing staff was
annoyed with us because it was a flurry of activity and while I appreciated all
of the support, I think they were glad we were going home.The police got wind that Zach ended up back
in the hospital so several officers came up and visited him too and even
visited after we got home.When the
insurance agent arrived at our house to get my account of things, even he was
touched by our story and amazed at the miracle of our son.Zach got his bandages off and staples out a
week later, played sports that following season, and hasn’t had any long term
affects other than a scar on his head that you can clearly see if he keeps his
hair short.
A few months later, Zach had to testify against the guy who
hit us.He didn’t even look at Zach and
never apologized.He got sentenced to 5
years in prison, but only served 18 months.This was his second offense.
No one will ever be able to tell me that miracles don’t
happen.No one will ever be able to tell
me that there is no God. No one will
ever be able to tell me to “don’t carpe diem.”I have sang a song to Zach ever
since he was born – you are my sonshine, my only sonshine, you make me happy
when skies are gray, you’ll never know dear how much I love you, please don’t
take my sonshine away!