So my first blog has to do with every women’s favorite
subject – WEIGHT! My cousin actually
published her weight – PUBLICALLY!! Didn’t
she realize that even if you hit the delete button, that information is still
stored out in cyberspace in a virtual time capsule to be brought back to the
present at some inopportune time?? Well,
if she can do it, so can I.
But, I didn’t say when……
Let me back up a bit.
I’ve never been what you would call “skinny” in all of my life. Probably the only time I would have been
considered small was when I was born! Then,
I was a little over 7 pounds and after having 8.5, 9, and 9.5 lb babies, I
would say I was in the supermodel category!
But, then a little thing called sugar entered my life and although I’ve
never been totally overweight, I tip the scale at “pleasantly plump” (or at
least that’s what my thighs tell me.) I was always bigger than my sister who was
almost two years older than me, and when I was a kid I would sneak money out of
my piggy bank to go to the only store in Crescent and buy a candy bar (or two)
every day. I ate Little Debbie Cakes by
the box when I was pregnant with Brittany, and dessert is not only at the end
of the meal, but it’s also before and in between. It’s not that I am even an emotional eater –
I really just LOVE the taste of something sweet. I appreciate all of its fine attributes! I have
already acknowledged that I might be a candidate for an intervention. But, since there’s no rehab for sugary snack
addicts, I have to balance that obsession for desserts with exercise. That was the main reason I started my new
found love for fitness in the first place – Jim told me I could lose weight
with running. So, since I didn’t just
hate running – it ranked right up there with LOATHE, I figured I could suck it
up and give it a shot if it meant that I could lose some weight. And, I had somehow rationalized that a high
impact activity like running would still allow me to indulge in my favorite
activity – eating! And not just eating
anything, but things like soft, half-baked chocolate chip cookies and decadent
frosting with just a bit of cupcake. So,
I figured win/win, right? WRONG!
There should be a disclaimer when you start to work out….you’re
going to challenge yourself beyond your body.
Your mind somehow gets involved too!
There’s that old adage that you can’t do the same thing over and get
different results. Well, the same thing
goes true for you can’t think the same thing and expect a different reality.
What initially started out as my lame attempt at some weight
loss turned into a whole new way of thinking about who I am, what defines me,
what I get my worth from, and how I think about myself. In December of 2010, I started the C25K
Program. It’s a well known program to
get you off the couch and running a distance of 5k in 9 weeks. Our treadmill is in our basement so I wasn’t
sure anyone would find me if I died so before I descended to the dungeon, I
made sure someone knew where I was going and that they knew where my Last Will
and Testament was. But, it wasn’t long
and it happened. That runner’s
high! It’s not just a myth – it’s
real!!! I felt so good each time I accomplished
the next phase. Around March, Jim and I
went for the first real run of my life OUTSIDE, IN PUBLIC, FOR ALMOST TWO MILES
NON-STOP! And, I’m still alive today to
tell about it!
Then, I decided to start a spin class at the YMCA. I made it through the initial butt pain
(although I longed for a banana seat the first few days) and increased to about
3 times a week INCLUDING the running that Jim and I were doing. Then, I added some strength training to that
routine, scheduled myself for my first 5k, and was on my way to fit and
fabulous! This was a whole new me and it
wasn’t about the weight loss anymore.
Before I started running, I didn’t like it because I didn’t
think I could do it. So, it was just
easier to hate it, bad mouth it, and shun it.
Granted, I’m still not wild about running, but once I challenged myself and accomplished
something I had never dreamt possible, I realized that I had run out of excuses
for why I couldn’t do it. This same
mindset has spilled over into other areas of my life. I needed to find that I loved myself enough
to do better…to BE better. I can’t expect anyone else to do that for
me. I can’t rely on others (or sugar for
that matter) to make me a better person.
I can’t compare myself to others to see if I measure up - I will always
find that I’ll never be good enough so why bother. The Bible says that I need to love others as
I love myself. And, I can only do that
if I let God love me first. I have to
avail myself to be loved and then to know I am worth love. And, then, to really see myself as the
valuable child that Jesus saw worth the price to die for. So, I surrender and because of that, I now
un-shun running or anything that challenges me to be better. The biggest challenge by far is that of
relationships. Wouldn’t it be easier to
just run all day long and not face that giant?
Oh that sounds like another good blog doesn’t it?
So, maybe this blog wasn’t about physical weight after
all. Sometimes the biggest weight loss
that you can have is losing the emotional baggage that keeps you from loving
and being loved. Now go do something
lovely for yourself – go love and be loved!
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